From Irk with Love
by Sideos
Summary: ZADR parody. This is my first but not last Zim fic. UPDATE! I split the story into 2 chapters for your reading delight.
1. Chapter 1

From Irk with Love.

Shouted down your ear by Invader Sideos. This is a ZADR parody but not written to really offend anyone. It kinda gives a clue to how any future fics of mine will be written.

Idon't own Zim. But I do on my DVD shelf.

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Dib lay on his bed looking at the ceiling listening to the last of his family go to sleep. He needed to make sure that no-one was going to walk in while he was in bed. As he heard the last door close and the last click of the lights going off he hurriedly tip-toed to his door wanting to make totally sure that no-one was listening in or spying on him.

He stood there for a minute or two listening to the silence and then after he was finally satisfied with the stillness in his house he tip toed, more slowly then last, back to his bed. There he pulled out a small metal box with a lock on the front. Dib smiled in anticipation as he pulled out a small key from a pocket inside his trench coat. He unlocked the box, opened it, and began to look thru the contents. The box itself despite the security did not contain any items out of the ordinary; there was an old child's book, a video titled 'big tooth vampire footage' and several photos. It was a certain photo that Dib was looking for, a photo of the biggest thing in his life since his birth. A photo of his true obsession, his true calling, his true hearts desire...

Suddenly his eyes grew wide and his mouth smiled with pure joy as he lifted a small picture from the messy pile. He held it in front of him like it was the Holy Grail. The photo was of a small child with large black boots, rubber gloves, an elvis styled hair do and small grey-blue eyes. Except this was not the only things noticeable on the picture for the child also had green skin, 3 fingers, no ears or nose. However this did not seem to bother Dib he looked at it for a couple of moments longer before embracing the picture in a tight hug and kissing it several times in succession. Looking at it longingly he sighed and whispered.

"Oh if only I could do that to the real thing and not just a photo". He flopped onto his bed and continued looking sadly at the photo "Zim...if only I could tell you how much I care for you, how much my very being call's out for you". He placed the photo on his heart and looked sadly once again at the ceiling. Then his expression changed to a look of mischievous glee "But tomorrow that's all going to change. Tomorrow Zim, is going to be the best day of your life and do you know why?"

He whispered at the picture as if talking to the real person "Because you're finally going to be mine and I'm finally going to reveal all my deepest feeling's to you, were going to be so happy together..." and with that he kissed the photo again said goodnight to it and

placed it back into the box snuggling up in his bed to dream wonderful dreams of his one true love.

"IM A FAIRY!" G.I.R ran across the top of the base with his new sucker feet. "I'm like a wonder spider thing!" he cheered as he continued to run manically across the roof. Below him sat his master the little green menace known as Zim

"G.I.R be quiet! I'm working on my next AMAZING plan to annihilate the human waste bugs" he sat in his favourite swivel chair working tirelessly on his new invention the "Robot Seagull Laser Doom Bird will be the ULTIMATE weapon! I've seen how much the earth scum run and cower from these snack stealing feather beasts!" he voice raised high as he pictured the terrifying wrath his creation would soon wreck. He gave another trade mark manic evil laugh before swivelling round.

"G.I.R? G.I.R? Where are you?" It had suddenly gone very quite and quite meant two things. Ether G.I.R had discovered something new to destroy or... Zim heard a sudden snoring sound above him and looked up to see a sleeping G.I.R stuck by his feet to the ceiling. Zim smiled, finally a bit of peace and quiet, at least until G.I.R remembered that he was a robot and he couldn't sleep. Zim stretched back into his swivel chair as he took a break from building the wings on the Doom Seagull. His mind wandered onto one of his favourite subjects. Dib. Zim closed his eyes and smiled warmly as Dib entered his mind.

"Ahhh" he said to himself "What I wouldn't do if you were here Dib. If only I had you here with me we could do so many things...I could drill a laser thru that unusually large head of yours, or we could see how long it took to reach the temperature were your skin melts off" Zim sat there for a moment longer, his eyes closed smiling to himself as he imagined terrible, horrific little things he could do to his arch-nemesis.

Suddenly "GIVE ME A HUGGG" SLAM! G.I.R landed on top of his master seemingly crushing his head in a super tight hug. Zim staggered round screaming and trying to pull G.I.R off until G.I.R spotted a piggy and ran off to play. Zim looked angrily at his robot slave before sighing and returning to his work.

The next day Zim stormed into his house "AGGRR. G.I.R were are you? I need something to take my anger out on" He threw off his disguise and stamped angrily into the kitchen were G.I.R was in his dog suit swimming in butter.

"What's the matter master?" G.I.R asked kindly eager to impress his enraged owner. "OHH GARR it's that damm...why are you swimming in butter?" Zim, his anger momentarily forgotten looked strangely at his insane assistant.

"Oh that's to keep the flies away" G.I.R replied matter-of-factly

"Riiight...err what was I yelling about again? Oh yes that DAMM Did stink-beast-dookie!" Zim returned to his rage and G.I.R ducked slightly in his little butter bowl. "He was acting so...WIERD today all nice and smiley and GARR happy! It was like he knew something and he wasn't telling me! His glories most superior leader. ZIM!" G.I.R had never seen his owner so angry before. "And at lunch he came over and SAT with me or he did until I attacked him with my tray! But he didn't seem to care GRRAAAA! I hate him so much! RAAAAA!" Zim was now stood on the table when his four spider legs shot out of his PAK and blew a very large hole in the wall which the computer instantly repaired. Zim stood getting his breath back from that outburst when there was a sudden ring at the door.

"YAY a visitor for my butter pool party!" G.I.R jumped out of his butter bowl and ran to the door but was stopped by a still fuming Zim.

"G.I.R stop! I need to put my disguise back on." and after a quick change he walked over to the door pressing a purple button in the middle of it to turn it see thru and reveal a nervous looking Dib on the other side. Zim's anger instantly disappeared "The foooolish meat head has delivered himself directly into my wrath. G.I.R! Get me my seagull…" his eyes narrowing dangerously and an evil grin appearing on his lips.

"Yaaay I get to use the birdie thingy!" G.I.R shot off in to the kitchen and down the bin. Zim checked himself over one more time before opening the door.

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Wooo yea...superduper update n all...yup...cough


	2. Chapter 2

Stuck to your back by Invader Sideos. Yea first time I posted this on the site it was all one big long chapter so this is just me making it easier on the reading eyes.

I still dont own Zim...WHY? oh god why not?...sob

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"Ahhh Dib how horrible it is to see you. Your unusual activity today has made me decide to finally kill you and be done with you forever" Zim stated officially and with a casual wave of his hand "And further more..." Zim was going to carry on detailing Dib's immanent doom when Dib coughed politely. Zim gave him a quizzical look "What is it now inferior?" Dib looked timidly at his shoes before he began talking.

"Zim I know we've known each other for a long time now and well...I think we should be together". Zim gave Dib a look of pure confusion before Dib continued "What I mean is that...well...Oh Zim I'm in love with you!" Dib smiled warmly at Zim and held out his arms as if wanting something in return. Zim looked horrified for a moment before he collapsed laughing.

"BUHAHAHAHAHA you...me? HAHAHAHA you even more stupid then I first thought!" Zim continued laughing on the floor for a few more minutes before finally getting to his feet. By now Dib had walked into his house and closed the door.

"Zim this is not a joke, I'm serious I love you like no other. All those attempts to film you or photograph you were just my attempts to have a piece of you. I've always loved you Zim since the moment we first met I just disguised it so no one at skool would laugh"

This emotional outburst only made Zim collapse in hilarity again. "Please...stop...HAHAHAHAHAH...I think my sqigglesqwooch is gonna

burst...HAHAH"

Dib stood confused for a moment, why wasn't Zim responding in the way he expected to? Sure he didn't totally think Zim would throw himself at him but he thought that if he explained his feeling he would at least listen. He realised that he needed to do something to prove his love for Zim. It was then that Dib moved forward to kiss him. Zim however quickly recovered as he saw Dibs actions.

"AGGGGG what do you thing your doing! Get away from me. GET AWAY FROM ME!" he screamed at Dib and backed away towards his kitchen bin.

"Come on Zim just 1 kiss?" Dib began advancing on Zim smiling sweetly. However Zim was having none of it

"AGGG come one step closer and i'll...i'll...DOOM you into dust!" Zim was clearly panicking. Dibs love advance had thrown him off and he was quickly retreating into the safety if his labs

"COMPUTER detain the Dib creature!" Zim commanded

"Awww the Dib human loves you Zim, let him have a kiss" the computer replied in a happy voice.

"AHHHHH" Zim, with the help of his spider legs, almost threw himself into the bin and down into his labs. Zim landed with a thud but was relived that he got away from the love struck human. He picked himself up and dusted himself off "Right now where's G.I.R with my AGGG" Dib was standing in front of him leaning slightly forward with total adoration in his eyes.

"Come on Zim...1 kiss is all I want...I bet you'll even enjoy it."

"AGGGGGG" Zim slapped Dib aside and ran down the corridors of his labs. Running into his armoury he quickly picked out the first handgun he found.

"Come on Zim were meant to be together" Zim spun round hurriedly pointing the gun with a shaky arm "Stay back Dib-thing or ill blow your fat head off!" Zim was still backing away from the slowly advancing Dib.

"You won't shoot me Zim. I love you too much for you to shoot me."

Zim's voice turned cold as he stated "Don't tempt me" With the cold metal of the gun in his claws he was begging to recover his usual cockiness.

Dib faltered for a second as if considering Zim's words before the sickly sweet smile returned to his face. Shaking his head he said

"No Zim, love conquers all". Dib stepped forward and Zim pulled the trigger.

Unfortunately just at that moment G.I.R decided to arrive with the Doom Seagull, smashing into the wall and causing the whole base to rock. The shot missed bouncing off the wall.

"I got the birdie master! WOOO the scary monkey shows on! Cya later love DIB!" G.I.R waved happily and bounded off into the distance.

"See Zim! You missed that shot because you love me! I know you did!"

At this statement Zim seemed shocked "How blind can you be? The shot missed because of the Seagull...THE SEAGULL!"

Zim launched himself into the machine "BUHAHAHAH now Dib I will show you how powerful my MIGHTY brain meats are! Prepare to meet your DOOM!"

The Doom Seagull power up hovering just above Dib who was now starting to question his 'love-missed-shot' theory

"BUHAHAHAH eat this DIB!" Zim selected the 'slow and painful death ray' and the Seagulls mouth opened to reveal a massive laser glowing in death ray anticipation. Dib began to back away looking very worried

"Zim I'm absolutely sure that the power of love will find a way to stop that machine working...and to get you to kiss me". Dibs voice was trembling however, and Zim wasn't listening.

"DIE DIB DIE!" he jerked the Doom machine forward and suddenly it slammed onto the floor its power cutting out.

Dib looked overjoyed "YES I knew love power wouldn't let me down! This just shows me that you and I were meant to be" He did a little jump into the air clicking his heels together.

But Zim was furious "Computer evaluate error!" he screamed in his rage.

The computer answered in a lazy tone "Error caused by earth Microsoft micro chip"

"WHAT? Why was there a pathetic earth chip doing in my Doom Seagull?"

"We ran low on resources because you insisted on having air conditioning"

Zim looked positively smashed "Oh yer...totally worth it though" He then turned his attention back to the love struck Dib "I despise you Dib" But Dib was too happy to listen what Zim was saying anymore.

"Oh Zim now you have to give me that kiss!" Dib lunged at Zim but he quickly sidestepped him.

"NEVER!" Zim took off round the corner and into the equipment room. Looking round he saw a large box and ran behind it.

"Ziiiim. Oh Ziiiiimy. Where are you my love?" Dib strolled past and Zim breathed a sigh in relief.

He spoke quietly to himself his eyes darting for something to help him defeat the obsessive and clearly insane Dib. Then he spotted something and his mouth grinned a sick and evil grin.

Dib was now getting worried. How can he lose sight of his loved one? "Ziiiim were are you? Don't you see it's powerless to stop true love? All I ask is for one kiss"

"Ok then Dib I will give you your kiss" Dib spun round to see a very spooky looking Zim. He had a strange dance in his eyes and had a terrible smirk on his face. His hands were also place behind his back a sure sign of danger. But the love struck Dib was too deluded to notice.

"Really! You'll let me kiss you? On the lips?" His voice was filled with anticipation.

Zim's smirk grew wider "Yes Dib. You can kiss me on the lips if you want"

Dib almost fainted at this and walked closer to Zim until he was standing face to face with his ex-nemesis.

"Oh Zim. I'm so sure you will return my love and weal be together always" Dibs mind was filled with images of him and Zim holding hands and dancing and other luvvy duvvy stuff.

"Yes of course Dib whatever you want" Zim's voice was dripping with malice but Dib saw none of this. Then Zim placed a hand on his shoulder but kept one hand behind his back "Let's get this over with then."

Dib slowly closed his eyes and puckered his lips as he moved forward he could feel Zim's face also moving closer. He could feel his breath on his lips. The tenseness in Dibs body was almost at an exploding point and then suddenly he stopped.

Dibs eyes flew open only to look straight in to Zim's hate filled red ones. Only now did Dib see the true extent of evil in those blood red ovals. He felt the colour in his face draining away and he found that he was struggling to breath. Zim recoiled away like Dib was something nasty, that evil smirk on his face wider then ever. He saw Zim's right arm holding something up to his stomach and as Dibs eyes looked to Zim's hands he saw the handle of a blade sticking out of his rib cage.

"Nooo" Dib collapsed as Zim ruthlessly ripped the blade from him. Dib could feel the blood beginning to seep into his shirt and the pain was taking hold in his chest.

Zim's voice dripped with a malicious glee as he began to walk around to helpless Dib. "Now now Dib. You didn't really think that I was EVER going to show YOU affection? HA!" the laugh was not like the usual Zim laugh. This was harsh and short, like a dogs bark. It made Dib flinch.

"I think you see now that this 'love' emotion that you humans have is useless. A mere distraction from the only goal of the self. In my glorious Irkin society we have eliminated such distractions and left only the helpful, useful, emotions like hate for example." At this Zim looked at Dib and crouched near to his head. He began to toy with the bloodied blade in his hands "And to think, the mighty 'saviour of earth' (Zim chuckled to himself as he said this) was brought down by something as simple and primitive as a blade"

Dib know now that he would die here on this cold floor. But a much stronger thought was in his mind.

"Zim...agg...I...love...you..." he opened his eyes in a last hope that Zim would see them. Filled with the last hopes of a dying boy. Zim looked directly into Dibs eyes and without a hit of compassion, empathy or even pity he said.

"I hate you Dib" And with that he stood up lifting his boot above Dibs head.

"Always remember that it was I ZIM who destroyed you Dib. Always" and he brought his boot down with a sickening crunch, ending Dibs life.

The computer spoke slowly "Wow Zim. That was really cold."

Zim looked up "Computer dispose of the corpse and get me a new clean boot".

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The End. Dib fans cry now. Well its 12:37 A.M here in merry old England and I'm really tired. I've spent the best half of…whatever time it just took to fully spell check this thing thru. But in my heart I'm really glad…no just tired. This is my first try at fan-fic so if you are gonna slam me into the ground please note were I went wrong and how to improve. I would like to thank G'n'R, Madness and the Ramones for giving me some great writing to music. And of course our good friend coffee for keeping me awake…all night…every-night.

R&R people.


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